We are not a virus - The spread of quiet racism.

First off, I’m not mentioning names. There will be no pitchforks. What I am here to do is educate, share an experience and hopefully make you uncomfortable.

When my Asian friends told me that they experienced racism because of the recent paranoia of the coronavirus, I passed it off as “oh that wouldn’t come up for me unless it was a total stranger”.

Little did I know that not only was I wrong but it happened in my community at a local business networking meeting, surrounded by professionals and friends.

To give you some education.

All Asian people are not Chinese and Chinese people are not a virus.

Everyone is susceptible to the coronavirus, it doesn’t discriminate. Not by race and not even by species (a dog was reported carrying it).

It did originate in China from bats.

This does not mean that the Chinese race are more likely to carry it.

This does not mean that you can get mad at all Chinese people for the coronavirus.

Chinese-Americans are just like you, they have the same likelihood to carry it. They’d have to be in close contact with a carrier to catch it.

If an Asian-American person were standing near you, they are just as far away or as close to the virus as YOU ARE. We live here. Not there. We can’t telepathically send it to you. Is that clear enough?

So here is what happened…

I was at a networking meeting where business owners come together and do a weekly 1 minute elevator pitch. Since we are currently in the craze of paranoid people about the coronavirus, naturally there were a ton of jokes surrounding it. Jokes about it taking out the group, there being no toilet paper in Costco but also helpful information on how to stay healthy. It was an appropriate relevant spin on what we are dealing with as a society and how their business can help – loved it.

There was one individual who does retail and often gets product from China. He explained he has a very worried client that fears Chinese products carry the virus. So, he arranged for that client to receive USA made products for him to put his worries at ease. Very reasonable and a great way to accommodate a client who has real fears. Then he proceeded to end his 1 minute presentation by saying that he can get product in the USA and far away from “the filthy Chinese”.

The room erupted in laughter and noise, perhaps nervous laughter, perhaps shocked laughter…but most people turned to look straight at me. I was the only Chinese person in the room. Was it for permission to laugh? Was it to see my reaction? Was this entertaining for them?

The moment passed and people continued down the line doing their 1 minute pitches. I sat there and sank more and more into reality. I suddenly felt the intense feeling of embarrassment and shame. I’ve of course experienced racism in my life and I can tell you that there is nothing like it. The hatred it takes, the superiority that person exudes, the dirtiness I feel about myself with no explanation, and the shame I feel for feeling negatively about who I am. It’s a pain unlike any other. It’s rooted with history. It’s primal.

As the minutes passed and the meeting continued, I slowly started registering what was said and stared off in a daze. My heart was racing, my face was beet red and I started to fight back tears. At that point I just got up and walked out.

I think what hurt the most was that no one said anything or called out the business owner that called my race filthy…including me. It was as if it was a normal joke…and if that is, then it devastates me. My reaction was to walk out and leave, fight or flight…I chose flight – the body does what it does.

I ran to my car and called my husband in tears and he instantly understood what was wrong and felt my pain with me. He’s from Colombia and has experienced racism just like every other minority I know – which I realize is incredibly sad.

I thought for a moment about what I should have or could have done, but the truth is – its unfair. It’s bullshit that the hurt, discriminated person is the one who must model a perfect response or else it’s like the racist person is justified.

Race is not a choice, we are born into it, its unfair to NEED to fight these fights because of hate and ignorance. What I wouldn’t give to even have the option to be the people sitting silently saying nothing. Never having to worry about a racial slur coming their way and catch them off guard. Please don’t misunderstand me, I love being Asian and don’t want to be anyone else. What I don’t love is the racism that comes with being colored in the US.

Based on the stares I got and the shocked looks, I know people in the room probably didn’t agree with this person’s stance on Chinese people being filthy. I have no idea what was going through their minds, but I do honestly wish that someone would have stood up for me. Not one person told him it was inappropriate; the statement was ultimately tolerated, and it broke my heart.

I fear that the reason it was tolerated was to keep the business or professional relationship with this person…or because they don’t want to address sensitive subjects in a business setting. Afterall, people say that sensitive issues and business do not mix. I hear the saying “it’s not personal, its business” all the time.

People can run their businesses however they want (obviously). But when it comes to me, let me be perfectly clear:

“I am Kelli Hisako Loo. I am a PROUD Asian-American. I have a Japanese mother and a Chinese father. I have an Asian-owned business and I lift-up other minority-led businesses. I support those who understand that integrity and values are their foundation; that purpose driven business means living your truth in all parts of your life even when its uncomfortable. There is nothing more important to me than staying true to my values even at the risk of losing business.”

I see what happened as an opportunity to share more of myself and encourage more open conversation.  I feel sorry for anyone who thinks what they stand for isn’t important enough to have a place in every aspect of their life. That being passive and impartial when something is clearly wrong is where they choose to be.

I honestly don’t know if this person had a lapse in judgement or if he truly aligns himself with these values. But whatever his intention was, it still had an enormous impact on me. After all, intent doesn’t matter if the impact promotes superiority.

When my son got home from school, I wanted to tell him what happened so I could educate him too. I wanted him to know what could be coming. I didn’t even need to explain, I told him the short story and once I said “filthy Chinese” his eyes got big and then softened with concern for me. He ran over and hugged me so hard and apologized for that person’s hurtful words.

It’s not that hard people…wrong is wrong.

So, what can you do?

I mean, many things. But the first thing to do is to educate yourself and others. Ask questions, be curious, have open conversations, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Share posts like these if they speak to you. Say something when someone is being attacked and make sure they are okay (even as simple as a quick text).  For someone who hasn’t experienced racism, it hurts more than you’ll ever know. So just be uncomfortable for that moment and maybe it’ll stop it from happening the next time.

Kelli Loo is a CPA based out of Vancouver, WA.

Photographer: Irina Negrean @irinanegreanphotography

Hair and Makeup: Linda Wong @lindawongmuah