I said “NO” 16 times last month – an overachiever's story to saying the glorious word “no”.

Are you a “yes” person?

But not in the daring, exciting, risk-taking way… more like the working late nights, being at events you don’t want to be at, and volunteering for clean-up sort of way?

Someone said to me a few months ago, “I don’t say yes to anything I don’t want to do”. Huh? Sounds so appealing and doable, yet there I was continuing to saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no” to the next thing.

I knew the reasons of why I should say no… (skip ahead if you already know this part)

Well first off, none of us need to justify our “no” responses. We can simply say no without offering a reason or opening for the opposite person to come back and explain why we should be saying yes.

Time

Ain’t no body got time for that! Time is truly limited, people. You know that saying “there are only so many hours in the day”? It’s true. And its not that many if you sleep, eat and work.

As business owners we don’t have time to be doing anything we don’t want. Every time I said “yes” I would be missing something. Whether it was an opportunity to grab coffee with a client, spend time with family, or watch Friends reruns (yeah, #notashamed).

However, having or not having the time is not the point. The point is, we are all valuable and so is our time – we decide how we spend it and no one else (besides our kids maybe lol).

Energy

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I have buckets of energy. I take from one to give to the other.

Before I get angry DMs about this, I do also believe in energy creators like: exercise, meditation, therapy and self care.

All these things can lead to additional energy. But hey guess what? The above energy creators take time, time is limited, therefore energy is limited…booyah.

Obligation

Oh my goodness. This one is hard. I would argue this comes down to a mindset issue *queue the mindset coaches*.

Someone we care about or helped us in our past has come and asked for a favor. They are awesome, we don’t want to offend them, we don’t want them to stop __________<insert benefit here> so we say “yes”. Then its on your calendar and the dread and resentment cycle kicks in.

Do you value this person and respect them? Do they care about you enough to respect your boundaries?  Would they understand? If any of these answers are no, then shhhh…they should not be a priority.  

So now that we know we shouldn’t then why did I still stay “yes”???

1.       I didn’t feel like I had a good enough reason to say “no”

Let me raise my voice for the people in the back: YOU DO NOT NEED TO JUSTIFY YOUR “NO”. A simple, “I appreciate the invite, but I can’t make it” “I would love to, but my plate is full right now”.

2.      The space was clear on my schedule so…why not?

Fast forward to the day of, all the rest of the spots on my schedule ended up filling up and I wanted to rip my hair out.

3.      FOMO (fear of missing out)

What if this one opportunity/event/coffee is the best thing that happens to me all year and I miss it?! There are plenty of other ways to receive abundance and opportunity in this life instead of this thing you don’t want to do.

4.      I don’t want to say no to everyone, I also don’t know where to draw the line…therefore yes to everything as a default.

Seriously…I can’t be the only one that did this.

Alright! Enough, how did I start saying “no”

First, I defined my boundaries: only x number of coffees a month, one evening event a month, one board position, etc.

Second, I developed some canned responses for “no”. None that offered an opening, but also none that were rude or disrespectful. Politely declining is real, its fair, and busy people appreciate them.

Third, my friends/clients challenged me to keep a tally for a month. I put a sticky note on my notebook that stared at me daily. I found myself holding it up at random times with a proud smile on my face when it was brought up. Weird right? Keeping track and having accountability went a long way.

Fourth, it’s true that it’s a muscle – once you get past the part that is uncomfortable, it gets easier and easier to do. It stops feeling rude. It’s actually extremely empowering. Plus…there is a thrill. A “NO” high if you will. Can’t explain it but its real.

Lastly, as a person who is a classic people pleaser, if I can do it so can anyone else. Saying “no” is a respectable, honorable and thoughtful thing to do. It doesn’t seem like it in the moment, but saying yes to everything blindly will hurt everyone who supports you and yourself.

Do you or did you have problems saying no? Tell me how you are working through it or overcoming it below!